i need this out. i need to say this but i dont know who to tell or what to do. im writing this here because i know no one will see it. my best friend ive known my whole life called me yesterday. 

hey bro

hey, i just got in a car wreck. my mom is dead

he sounded like her was laughing almost and spoke quickly. i was so scared. my best friend just watched his mom die in front of him. with in minutes of this his first reaction is to call me. it was still fresh, he was on the side of the highway looking at his mom who was thrown from the car he was in that flipped several times. he said he would call me back. i havent heard from him yet. i keep reliving the moment he told me this, picturing his mom who ive known all my life dead on the side of the road face down. i was suppose to go the house with him a couple of weeks ago. it was only him and his sister and his friend there. it wasnt “my mom died” it was “my mom is dead” he was looking at her, i was possibly the first to know. like being on the phone with someone who just watched someone kill themself. it was like i was there. i woke at 5 today. my eyes shot open and it all quickly reloaded. i cant go a minute without thinking about it and if i do i feel guilty i wasnt thinking about it. it torture. i dont want to burden anyone with this tale though. which is why its here. i havent told anyone else this. so congrats you lucky one reader. 

i just want a girl who listens to the pixies



spent at least 3 hours editing this shit…ummmmi gotta put it on flickr  but i have no idea what to title it. give me ideas please!!!????

nate i love you

i know you probably meant nothing by that, but i can’t stop thinking about it.


naplan lmao

i made this tumblr so i could vent and act like people cared about what i had to say. now i don’t ever actually blog anything. i’m probably growing a huge brain tumor from repressing everything. but i always feel so whiny talking about my problems. and then again who cares.

i feel inadequate.